Transcript
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Patrick Sweeney and tonight I'm going to
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tell you a fear can transform your life
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and if you're a parent or a teacher I'm
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going to tell you how it can have a
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dramatic impact on the likelihood of
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success of children and who better to
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lead the congregation than a reformed
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sinner that's my confession I'm gonna
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make to you tonight for the longest time
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I was the world's biggest wimp now I
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live an amazing life doing really crazy
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adventures all over the place and I
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found that I have a superpower and my
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superpower is courage and I'm going to
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share that with all of you tonight
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it's a gift that I want to give in some
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of the science behind it which is
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fascinating I think you'll find really
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intriguing I'm gonna leave you with
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three lessons they're going to be
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lessons in how to live a life of impact
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courage and be the hero you always want
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it to be with your family with yourself
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or in a time of crisis in order to do
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that we've got to go back to 1976 now I
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know the parents in the room get that
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kids they'll have to explain that one to
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you it's a little bit dated but imagine
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if you will a duplex and a
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rough-and-tumble suburb of Boston you're
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on the bottom floor of the duplex and
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you see a family sitting there there's a
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young boy on the floor playing with his
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GI Joe doll he's wrestling with the kung
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fu grip he's not even old enough to be
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worried about Barbie yet his mom and dad
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are planted on the couch in front of
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their black-and-white RCA TV his
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brothers next to him annoying him like
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always when all of a sudden on the
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screen comes a scene of disaster boy
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shut up
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he's transfixed on the screen he sees a
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monochromatic flames shooting up from
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the tail of a Delta dc9 a newscaster
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half scream half spits out the words
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that a instrument pilot was coming in on
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approach he flew too low in the fog
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cartwheeling the plane down the runway
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scattering metal debris and body parts
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all over Boston's Logan Airport killing
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all hundred people on board immediately
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that scene is written on the boys very
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sophisticated hard drive fast forward
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two weeks and that same family is
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packing for a trip to Atlanta Georgia
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there on tan uncle has a new puppy and
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it needs a home so the family's super
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excited to go down to Atlanta and get
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the puppy they haul their stuff into
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Logan Airport and all of a sudden the
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boy sees across the smokey terminal a
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Delta logo on the tail of a plane he's
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immediately hit with an electric wall of
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fear he has a terrible response
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emotionally to seeing that because that
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image has popped back out of his hard
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drive onto his mind's eye he rips and
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pulls at his mother's hand trying to get
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out of here I don't want to die he kicks
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and he pulls in he screams get me out of
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here he throws such an apoplectic fit
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there kicked out of Logan Airport and
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they're forced to drive the 15 hours to
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Atlanta that ensures two things that are
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both tragic number one that he doesn't
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confront the fear so it gets further
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written on his hard drive number two
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that he catches hell for the next family
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next 40 years at every family gathering
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and he's bullied about it to this day
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well not surprisingly that was me and
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that was my fear frontier maybe you have
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a fear of snakes maybe you have a fear
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of the water everybody has a fear
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frontier maybe it's failure we all have
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a place where we come to where we've got
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a moment of fear how we deal with that
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determines our future and our success
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for 30 years I lived with this this
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terrible fear of flying every time I got
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on board or anywhere near an aircraft I
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got more and more scared and one thing
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that I found is this cowardice begets
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cowardice I was even the guy in high
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school who was still afraid of the dark
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that's how bad things were I lived with
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this for 30 years
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and then my worst fear came to fruition
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it could have happened to any one of us
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I was working out I was in my mid-30s
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and I had a pain in my arm and kept
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getting worse over the next few days but
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like everything else I was afraid to go
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to the doctor's I finally went and when
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I got into the doctors he told me I had
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no white blood cells no immune system
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that got me a ticket to the Johns
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Hopkins leukemia matinee and this was a
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special showing for rare cases now I was
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petrified all I could think about in the
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hospital was my one-year-old daughter
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would the image she had of her dad be
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the guy who was too much of a coward to
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get on a plane and take her to Disney
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World I was suddenly choked with a
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deathbed feeling of regret like I had
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missed out on so much in life and I was
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gonna miss out on so much more that's
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when I decided that I was going to kick
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that disease and when I got out I take
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flying lessons not to put the story to
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bed too early but I did get out I did
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beat leukemia and I started taking
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flying lessons and over the next several
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months my entire life changed just
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because I went mano-a-mano with that
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flying demon everything in my world
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changed and I realized I've been living
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like a caterpillar on this tiny leaf
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inching around eventually ensconcing
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myself in this cowardly cocoon but I
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never realized it until I flew and then
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when I got my wings and literally
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learned to fly my whole world changed
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and in fact I fell in love with flight I
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got my instrument rating my commercial
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rating and nowadays I compete in
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acrobatics every year this is a
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competition last year and if this the
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idea of being upside down with the
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ground coming at ya at high speed
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activates your fear frontier
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maybe it's speaking
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in front of a big audience maybe it's
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asking a girl out on a date we all have
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a fear frontier how we deal with those
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determines our success and that brings
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me to lesson number one you don't know
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how great life can be until you get to
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the other side of your fear frontier the
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choice you make determines what your
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life is like you'll only have two
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choices when it comes to fear
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you can either tame fear or fear can rip
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you apart bit by bit I was so enamored
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and so amazed how my life changed when I
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got beyond my fear frontier and I
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started to tame fear I want to make sure
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my kids had the same thing so as a dad I
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stumbled on something that the Navy
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SEALs have known for decades and when I
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first did it I got a lot of flack from
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other people because they said fear you
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shouldn't but you should be avoiding it
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and in fact that's the number one
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strategy people have for dealing with
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fear is avoidance it's also the biggest
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mistake you can make and that causes you
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the most damage in your life avoiding
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fear so I want to give my kids this gift
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when they were three years old I started
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him skiing when they were four years old
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we were rock climbing at seven they went
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paragliding I didn't have a dad handbook
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I was just doing the best I could I kept
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trying to extend their fear frontier
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nudging them out of their comfort zone
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and I'd meet parents and they'd say Rock
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lighting and rock climbing and
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mountaineering with kids that's crazy
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and then I'd meet the kids and they'd
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say wow rock climbing can you talk to my
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mom and dad and that brings me to point
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number two there is a dramatic
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difference there are two very different
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animals risk and fear risk is the
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probability or the likelihood of
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something bad happening
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fear is an emotional response to a
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physical feeling in the body they often
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get confused and people don't understand
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why if I knew the difference between
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risk and fear when I was a
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seven-year-old boy at Logan Airport I
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would have never let my parents drive
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just to put it in perspective in our
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lifetime in this room three people will
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die in car accidents it would take
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twenty five rooms this size filled up to
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have one put in a airplane crash that's
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the difference between knowing the risk
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so why isn't a mom who drops her her son
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or daughter off at school who's texting
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her boss at the same time which is
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incredibly dangerous
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why isn't she full of fright because of
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that because familiarity fades fear and
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that can work to our benefit and it can
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also work to our detriment but just
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knowing that fact makes a big difference
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in our life so one of the things that I
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found is with the Navy SEALs
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there's fear-based behavior that doesn't
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make any sense until you figure out why
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you're doing it what the motivation is
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if you think about it for a second
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fear-based decision-making rarely makes
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sense why is it you can be sitting on
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your couch at home safe and sound and
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watching something on the TV that you
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know isn't real but have a tremendous
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fear response it doesn't make any sense
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why do we let our amygdala stay in such
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control of us it's almost like put into
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the soul and fear is on the other end
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coming from Uranus all right how risky
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is life really well I don't know but I
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can guarantee you none of us are going
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to get out alive so we might as well
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live with the most courage the most
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excitement and the most passion we can
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we need to take a take a page out of the
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Navy SEAL handbook because it's really
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all about controlling the glands I
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mentioned the amygdala before that's a
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small gland at the base of your brain
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that's shaped like an almond it's there
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and it's fully developed at birth it
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does three things it handles the three
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FS fight flight or freeze it was there
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to keep us from getting attacked by a
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saber-toothed tiger what we found out
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over the last hundred thousand years is
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freezing like a deer-in-the-headlight
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or bolting every time there was a rustle
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of grass didn't exactly make us the best
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dinner guess so we developed something
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that's kind of like adult supervision
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for the amygdala it's called the
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prefrontal cortex and the prefrontal
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cortex this is the rub isn't developed
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until you're in your mid-20s the
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amygdala the thing responds crazy
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reaction of mine at the airport that
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flight or fright developed at birth the
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adult supervision and the ability to
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make a rational decision not developed
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until your mid-20s and how it develops
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can determine your whole life that's
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what Navy SEALs do every time they go
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through training at Budds which is basic
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underwater demolition school each day it
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gets more and more intense until finally
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during hell week their task bound at the
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wrists and ankles into a pool
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blindfolded with instructors literally
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beating on them
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most of these recruits are between 20
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and 24 years old what the Navy's doing
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is pre-wiring them for courage I got so
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fascinated by fear I started
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interviewing experts all around the
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world one of the experts that I talked
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with told me there's something called
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preconditioning extinction before
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preconditioning and I just refer to this
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as preconditioning they studied Navy
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SEALs and did an article in the military
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special operations journal and it shows
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that Navy SEALs have a higher resiliency
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to stress than ordinary soldiers and
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they have less incidents of
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post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD
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the reason I believe this is is because
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they're preconditioning they're training
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their mind to do this I used to think
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breathing was only important when I was
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racing I was a rower and I thought it
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was only important then but it turns out
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it's one of their techniques so is
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increasing the intensity so the paradox
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with all this is you have to get scared
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to build courage you have to feel when
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the amygdala starts to take over because
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what happens is you feel your heart rate
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increasing your breathing increasing
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your pupils will dilate that's the
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amygdala trying to take over but if your
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prefrontal cortex can stay the boss then
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you
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can be a Superman or superwoman because
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you've got this cocktail going through
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your body that makes you stronger makes
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you think better it's there to help us
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survive if you can use your prefrontal
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cortex to be the boss then you can do
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amazing things so one of the ways to do
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that is using the neurons in your brain
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continually getting scared if they this
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is a video from mi t--'s lab that's the
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amygdala of a mouse and you can see
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what's happening every time one of those
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neurons fires if they continue to fire
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the same neurons they'll build a pathway
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neurons that fire together we'll end up
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wiring together so the courage pathway
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becomes easier and easier to travel so
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courage has a halo effect if you're
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trying to get over fear of heights and
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you start rock-climbing on the weekends
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one thing you'll find is you can go ask
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your boss for a razor you can go ask
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your teacher for extra work and and you
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feel less anxiety because of it so the
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point number three I'm going to give you
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is a tool for building up this courage
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for creating that wire so lesson number
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one was you don't know how great fear
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life is until you get beyond your fear
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frontier listen number two huge
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difference between risk and fear lesson
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number three is that you need a tool set
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you need something you can rely on to
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build up that courage I used what's
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called a base methodology the B is for
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breathing take a breath in for a count
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of four hold it for a count of four and
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let it out for four if you keep doing
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that that'll stabilize your heart rate
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the second one that a is to assess the
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situation
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so many times we project bad things into
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the future instead be present say what's
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going on right now can I make a plan can
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I get in control the S it's
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counterintuitive but smile if you smile
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no matter how forest it has a direct
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link to your central nervous system just
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using those muscles in your face and
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then e is for encouragement for
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self-talk tell yourself that's not fear
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you're feeling it's excite
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that's a challenge if you use this base
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methodology you might you might find
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that well try it for yourself if you
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don't like public speaking next time you
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go out to dinner stand up and make a
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toast and when me you make a toast
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maybe you'll only get through the bee
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and start breathing and then have to sit
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down but each time your courage will
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grow it'll get more and more easier to
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do something courageous so if you
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practice getting yourself scared
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you can learn to be a great leader
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there's a whole ocean of great leaders
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who've learned to tame fear and done
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amazing things with it
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but there's a vast barren desert of
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timid souls who let their life be ruled
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by fear and fear from manipulation from
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politicians from marketers from the
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press don't be one of those people go
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out and learn how to be courageous learn
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how to be the hero you want to be
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remember excuses are just fear in
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disguise go out and live the most
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passionate exciting adventurous life you
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can go out and find fear and live the
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life of a butterfly thank you very much